Of emptiness and longing..... 'us' and 'them'...

I have wondered for a while now if it happens to everyone or just to some. Probably becoz I fall in the category of 'some', I side these 'some' people! Here, Im talking of a craving for companionship. Of course im sure everyone longs for it, but Im talking of a companion on a different level.
Its probably the quarter life crisis thats making me write about it, but leaving the reason apart, I ponder on why a few of us feel this is such a serious thing and at the same time I am appalled at how it doesn’t bother certain others at all. I classify the two species as the ‘thinking’ and the ‘non-thinking’ types. I run here, the risk of being misunderstood, that I extol other creatures such as me- but that’s us!

I have had conversations about it at length with people I think are the ‘thinking’ types…we all share this anxiety – ranges from- ‘what if I don’t find the right person?’, ‘what if I end up with someone I don’t get along with?’.. to ‘will I ever find someone?’… these may sound trite alrite… commonplace prose in today’s Friday-evening-drinking-sessions… but therez more to it.

I know of people who simply talk about it coz they worry about it on another dimension altogether- without going into the ‘how-much-does-he earn?’ .... ‘does-he-have-a-car?’ thingy, let me straight dive into what im trying to talk about here. When the thinking types talk about it – they mean it more on an emotional level, on an intellectual level, a philosophical level. To be compatible over these varied platforms is something that makes for a great innings- be it friends, partners whatever! This happens to be such a rare phenomenon that I am happy if someone is open to even having a talk about such things… even if they just understand me, without shooting me a side-glance or pulling a long face – if they just ‘get’ me!

I don’t understand if there have always been people like this (im sure they have, but maybe much lesser) or are we an emerging breed, for I don’t ever hear anyone from my parent's generation talk about ‘soul-mates’ or ‘compatibility’. They all got married coz they were either asked to or bcoz it was the right time or simply bcoz the prospective groom/bride was considered appropriate! I mean..helllo?!? what were they thinking?? I find it soo hard to understand this and likewise for them- they simply don’t get what the whole fuss with the ‘right’ person is! What is unfathomable for me is that people who think like the ones from the generation before, still exist in our's and in HUGE numbers. Most people still get married bcoz they are done with studies and are ‘well-settled’ with high-paying jobs… is that enuf, really?? And these are exactly the ones that scare me the most – they wouldn’t want to have a mature conversation, and without this primary bonding what kind of a partnership could u expect?!

I deliriously think about not getting to have what I crave for so much… someone who is exactly the same as I am is not what I mean here, atleast someone who can relate to what I am talking about, who has the same bent of mind; and not someone who will think I am mentally deranged just becoz I am a certain way. As an afterthought, maybe even this is better than the totally hapless, clueless, dumb morons who just sit and don’t say anything back!
I don’t expect ‘whoever’ to be super thrilled with me being a maniac, or share the same sense of adventure (even an interest in the things I like or a willingness to try is all I ask)- but imagine how awesome it would be if we DID actually have the same basic personality type, enjoy doing similar things- imagine how fulfilling it would be to sit under the stars and enjoy lovely verses of poetry, talk of philosophy or world history or watch a grand prix on a Sunday afternoon and talk about the cars and what strategy would have been better!- and BOTH of us love it! Now, THAT is what is ideal…. And the only chance of attaining that is by knowing the person who one is going to be with….or being with the person coz u know them well enuf! In the ideal situation, I get to be exactly what I am- MY BEING…and id love it too; the same for the other half! That’s what is the best about this whole thing that im saying …it would make life easy, happy, satisfying and harmonious.

On the contrary, imagine having to live with someone who doesn’t ‘get’ you at all – I am sure I would try desperately to make things work, but my only problem with this is, ‘would I still be myself???’ NO. And once the answer is ‘no’, therez no way I am going to be happy with this and this translates into me not being able to make anyone happy. Worse, it would lead to frustration as one feels that they are giving up so much to make things better and yet it isn’t being achieved.
I am not saying here that the people who do not think this way are not doing the right thing- it works for them and they are not complaining! In fact I envy these people coz they simply save themselves the trouble of all this anxiety and stress (which we have even before we get ourselves into anything) and they are also at ease with whatever comes their way when they get themselves into it(while here, we are in the abysmal depths of desperation). The non-thinking types have the luxury of being genuinely happy, without a care… atleast at such things as what we are talking about here- the most they worry about would be getting a promotion or getting their kids admitted to the best schools!

Inspite of all the cribbing, I like the way we are…. Im thankful there are others like me…. And also that there are people other than like ourselves (only i wudnt want to end up there! excuse me)– if there weren’t, what wud ‘we’ talk about?! Id rather drive myself insane thinking about all this than just be a vegetable and rot. The only problem being ‘our’ way is that we are on a constant search for the ‘like’ breed, which is soo hard to come by…and we run the risk of turning into ‘them’ sometime down the line… and then it would be terrible coz ‘we’ know both ‘us’ and ‘them’; where as ‘they’ know only themselves and do not understand ‘us’ ……sigh..TO EACH HIS OWN…..