Memoirs of Insanity

I decided that it was time for me to get back to writing, not so much a conscious decision but an urge, something I HAD to do for myself. Well, easier said than done…. I have been successfully ignoring and pushing disturbing things to the back of my head for a while now and when I sit down to write I need a certain focus and articulate thought, which I realize Im not capable of anymore – atleast not as easily!
What with me not even comfortably slipping into my dirty blue faded jeans anymore, forget about ‘slipping’ into the writing mode! Yes, its not just my brains that have rusted and my senses that I’ve numbed; but also my bones.
The urge to write comes from wanting to lubricate my whole being….. to come back to life so to say…

Ive lived for the past coupla years in an insane trip…not being myself…. not addressing a turmoil on the inside- ‘just prorogue and see how things shape up’- that mode…
I tell you, that’s definitely ‘unsmart’, not the way to handle things- atleast not all the time, although I agree that some things just need to be impulsive and not be given too much thought.

‘Comfortably numb’ is one thing, but one cannot forever be ‘comfortable’ being ‘numb’. Takes me to a conversation I was having with a friend sometime back….about how we get ourselves into things with this thought lurking in the background – ‘Let me do this now and I’l figure a way out soon’… and I know now that it sucks to be that way….super-simplify things and do NOT get caught up in things that u need to get out of at some later point…. coz THIS is exactly what complicates life!

I had a horrible phase of insomnia, thinking of things that were picayune and let me tell u, they didn’t seem as piffling matters to me then as they do to me now. Friends were telling me that I was being stupid, but what do u do with a mind that says…’you r better…they will only realize later!?!’ (call me a narcissist for all I care!)

And they had the last laugh…. I agree with it now…but bcoz of different reasons. I got over this phase by being aware of myself and the elements around, or lets just say I formulated my way of dealing with it. If I had just listened to people, I wud stil be doing the same… nudging things till they settled comfortably in a corner far enuf not to bother me and it would have come back to me later. Instead, address it and solve it, not take refuge in ignorance. Being aware of something and letting it go always works better than just letting go becoz u are simply nescient. This works in varied spheres n orbits….. be it matters of love or career decisions or plain contemplation of life!

I bid my low phase a happy good bye…. And owing to the means thru which it happened, im sure I will have no diffidence when im faced with it again! Dunno if the line of thought is clear enuf….. but refer to the disclaimer at the start – aint easy getting back….!